The Leadership Paradox: To Become the Leader You Want, You Have to Be the Leader You Want

Have you ever been told “to do this role, you need to have been doing it for some time”? In other words, to be a leader, you need to have been a leader. Sounds like a catch-22 or chicken & egg? The good news is that you can achieve your goal, but that requires you to grow before you step into that role. If you want to step into a leadership role, you need to be a leader already.

Leadership growth is rarely linear. Like this sapling, it often begins quietly, takes unexpected turns, and needs strong roots before it can truly stand tall.

Leadership growth

My experience suggests that most professionals with a career aim that they are committed to have already been what they aim. What stops them is the different equation they have. For example, some hold that “leadership = having a leadership job title” as opposed to where in the past you exhibited leadership traits. Reflecting on your career from this viewpoint can help you clarify your vision and move towards embodying that vision when engaging with your network (e.g., colleagues, managers, and new potential employers).

Here is a simple iterative framework you can use to help your growth ambitions.

A continuous leadership growth loop — from Reflection to Vision, Embodiment, and Engagement — showing how internal alignment precedes external leadership.

Reflection

The main question here is “Who are you?” Most people have a CV that they brush off from time to time, which lists all they have done. That may have worked before, but if you are aiming for growth, you must look at your life (not just career) and identify who you are as opposed to what you have done. What you have achieved contributed to who you are as a professional. For example, “I managed a project successfully” vs “I am a change leader”. Instead of describing what you did in the past with the language you used in the past, you elevate your view as who you have become because of those experiences.

Vision

Here, you focus on your purpose and your passion. Some of you may have jumped out of your seats with excitement or just rolled your eyes hearing about the 2 Ps. In simple words, focus on what is important to you! This could be to provide a better life for your family. It could be to grow as a professional. Or it may be to change the world. We all have a purpose, and it will go beyond our individual selves, and there is fire burning inside to live up to that purpose. You may just not let that flame grow.

Embodiment

Are you aligned with your vision? Or simply put, do you buy that narrative you created so far? Can you stand in a group of friends or strangers and state who you are? Or would your shoulders drop down, your chest collapse, or you feel like a fraud? If so, it simply means you have not fully embodied the new vision. Fear not! It comes with practice and persistence. Perhaps reflecting on your life and discussing it with a friendly colleague or a coach can be helpful.

Engagement

Now is the time to fully engage with the new vision and the market around you. Can you write a brief paragraph about yourself? Can you post that on your LinkedIn profile? Or write a letter/email to a prospect/colleague? You don't necessarily need to jump in all at once. Perhaps you want to iterate and slowly engage with them, hearing what they have to say.

Evolving Leadership Cycle

Iterate through these steps, knowing that each pass shapes you anew. Reflect on the shifts — in your language, posture, and confidence. And importantly, invite feedback. Ask a colleague, mentor, or trusted friend: “How do you see me now?” Their perspective can uncover blind spots and reinforce growth you didn’t yet recognise. Leadership isn’t built in isolation — it’s revealed in how others experience you.

In the end, leadership isn’t something you’re granted. It’s something you grow into — one intentional step at a time.